Stuckylife |: Signs of Lekwungen Alleycat Results

Derek concedes to Jenny

I am thrilled by the success of Saturday night's prologue to the Capital City Cycles Summer Race Series: The Signs of Lekwungen- especially considering that it is barely spring! It was inspiring to see so many new faces out there with shit-eating grins. This is going to be one hell of a season!

Before we get too carried away with questions of who came in when, and allegations of who was doping with what we must take a moment to talk about the volunteers:

The Volunteers:

These people voluntarily stood outside by themselves- in the dark and cold- to take abuse from a bunch of overstimulated weirdo-cyclists they didn't know... only then to be asked to colour stolen "manifests" with shitty crayons.

Please take the time to thank them accordingly when you see them.

The Winner:

The winner of the coveted golden-lotus spoke card was Parker Bloom with an EPO-reeking time of 27 minutes!

Parker takes first place, but really doesn't know what to do with his hands.

His win earns him 15 points and puts him in 1st place overall in the Summer Series standings.

The Top Ten:

1. Parker Bloom, 27min., 15 points

2. James Weeks, 29 min., 12 points

3. Gillian Carleton, 30min. 10 points

4. David Kennedy, 34min., 8 points

-----(it was about here that we ran into stopwatch trouble)-----

5. Camilo Ruis, 7 points

6. Paul Fenger, 6 points

7. Halldor Gunnarsson, 5 points

8. Justin Wolfe, 4 points

9. Andrew Ferguson, 2 points

10. Colin Henley, 2 points

James Weeks: a man of contrasts...and second place.

Gillian bares her teeth at the prospect of 3rd place.

David is merely an optical illusion; his solid 4th place finish is not.

Someone told Camilo to meet at Third Beach; despite that, he still came in 5th.

What you can't see here is Paul giving me his 6th Fenger

Halldor came 7th. Don't make fun of him or he'll eat me.

Halldor cleaned himself up and...uh...no, that's Justin lookin' good at 8th.

Andrew is really fast and way too happy. 9th place.

Colin came out of retirement to take 10th place. Shortly after, he pushed the panic button and Justin's night was ruined.

The Standings:

I apologize for the incomplete standings; we promise to be far more fastidious in the next round.

Here is the official start list and current point standings:

The Honourable Mentions:

"DFL"

As always, our two youngest riders, Japhy and Chai, refused to come in without hitting every checkpoint. They are getting faster and faster with every passing week; I know they will leave us all in their dust one day...

Japhy and Chai

...but for now, DFL at 60 minutes wins free admission to the next alleycat.

"Big Heart, Shitty Planning"

Jeff Drew takes the "Big Heart, Shitty Planning" award for the night.

Regan and Jeff

Although Jeff didn't bring a tall can to Regan and Mical's checkpoint at Clover Point, he proceeded to hit all of the other checkpoints, then stop to buy a tall can to take back to Clover Point.

Receipt for 1 tall can, 8:09pm

Jeff, you race like I courier.

"Out-of-Towners"

Big ups to Sarah, James and Camilo (not pictured) for jumping the pond to be here.

"Behind-the-Scenester"

Clay worked harder than anyone to put this race together.

Clay has been behind all of coolest races in the last 6 months. Keep up the great work, brotha!

The Party:

Jeff is a king for yet again throwing open the doors of Capital City Cycles to let us party the night away inside. Be sure to thank him (as well as Halldor, Jay and Tegan) next time you stop by.