Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Pygmalion Crimespeak.

This is from Badbrain on the mtbr forums:

"The European 29er commissioners have announced that agreement has finally reached to adopt English as the preferred language for 29er competition communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the final negotiations, however, Her majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro English (Euro for short).

In the first year. “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Surtainly, sivil servents will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling Kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agree that the horrible mes of silent “e”s in the languaj is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth yer, people will be respective to steps such as relasing “th” by “z” and “w” by “v”. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be droped from vords containing “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru."

Peep the original thread here.